If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
