NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
