Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
