Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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