Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
