I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
