My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
