i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
