umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
