You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize