Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
