i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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