I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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