the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
