i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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