The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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