I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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