The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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