then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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