you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
