my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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