Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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