I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
