What a fucking waste of an outfit
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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