I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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