why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
