I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
