So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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