OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My pussy is not your playground.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize