My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
