What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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