Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
