i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
