My first STD was from a foam party
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
