i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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