i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
