mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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