i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
