I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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