Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
someone owes me an orgasm
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
