I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
