I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize