when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize