Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
