wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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