Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
