You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
