I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize