You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
