We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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