Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
