I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
