Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
