I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
