I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
