god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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