i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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