i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
