Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
