WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
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