Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
