maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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