Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
