i used baking grease as lip gloss
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
