Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
