after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
